Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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