i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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