im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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