We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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