Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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