Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found a bag of teeth...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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