This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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