I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
