Ambien. No doubt about it.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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