I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
