the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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