drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
