listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
