He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
