oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
