My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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