i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
