you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Houston, we have a blender
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
