you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
