Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
