bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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