I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
