I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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