I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
