Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All the doctor said was why
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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