You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
