Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
