You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
