Apparently you make a good broom.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
