He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
