he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
