so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
