It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
