they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
