Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize