Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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