It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
