I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
