I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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