then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
