Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
