I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
