we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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