She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
