I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Boobs are out for the taking
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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