I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My balls are so social today.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
