I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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