saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
