so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
