respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
