don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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