Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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