me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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