like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize