I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
