While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
