This girl is more easily done than said...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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