I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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