The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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