They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
