I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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