guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
