She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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