if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize