I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize