So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
