New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
